As a young boy I did a bit of work to my Dad in exchange for some pocket money. After what then felt like a hard day’s work I headed to the kiosk with a big smile and rewarded myself with a vanilla cone. Like little boys do, I crabbed the ice cream and jumped back on my bike. And like little boys do, I ran into a bump. I can still see the ice cream falling down in slow motion.
To make the downfall increasingly bitter, there was a group of older guys witnessing the entire episode. By the time I had swallowed my tears and gotten up, one of the kids had lifted up the remains of my ice cream cone. They were all calling me to come and get it. My legs were shaking and I could feel the day was just going to get worse. I decided to pedal home as quickly as my wounded ego would allow me. This decision has only started to feel right in the recent years.
My Dad passed away years ago and I never got the chance to tell him this story. I don’t feel guilty about lying about the destiny of the ice cream cone, but it has bugged me for years not having had guts to face the bullies and overcome my fear. Even if it had meant being beaten up.
That day I gave myself a promise. I would never give up to my fears. I would never give up for anything for that matter. A promise that would later prove to be not only worthless but indeed harmful. I am still struggling with the boy in me influencing my decisions, but nowadays I often sit down and listen carefully to who’s talking.
I have talked to Zarahustra, read my Sun Tzu and listened to the advices of many wise men. And have still held on to my promise. And as you might have guessed, it hasn’t made my life any easier. From the evolutionary point of view it is important to stand up to protect oneself. After I gained a lot more experience I learned something important: sometimes the best defense is letting go and backing off.
No one loves losing, but there is more to losing than just the bitter taste of it. If you are manically trying to avoid it, you are not even doing your best (Try and fail). The philosophy behind it all is fascinating: By losing, you sometimes win. Sun Tzu knew it that to win a war you need to lose a battle.
So next time you feel you just have to win this battle, think twice.
Tomi Grönfors is an entrepreneuer and self-made-marketing-man. He started his first business when he was 23 years. He has been working in sales, owned an AD agency, a marketing consulting company and is now an owner and CEO in VEEN Waters.